Dear Nick,

 Obviously you know this, but let me just remind you that today is your birthday!

  I have been thinking a lot about it lately because you are 25 and that is old! Haha just kidding! As I have thought about your 25 years of life and my almost 23, I was thinking how much you have been there for me. A lot of this is just memories over the years of us, as I am so thankful to have a brother to have lived life with. 

To start, when I graduated high school you were there to support me in Ligonier. When I graduated college you were there to support me in Idaho. So many miles apart but that didn't keep you or the family from coming to be there for me. That week you guys were here still holds some of my favorite memories. It doesn't matter how old we get I know the you and Kevin and Mom and Dad will be there with me every step of the way. 

To me traditions mean a lot, and some of my favorites are those around Christmas. I love that every year this happens (pictures), and there are many more great ones but you are lucky I don't have those on my computer, they can get real embarrassing. But I remember a lot of years having to convince Kevin to open our Christmas Eve gifts, or staying up late in your room talking as we listened to 'santa' walk around upstairs bringing us presents, or the mornings we would wake up to Kevin staring at us waiting for us to wake up too. I remember every year dressing up for church on Christmas Eve and the best part was singing songs while holding a lit candle. I remember steak dinner every year and a wonderful Christmas morning breakfast after many gifts were opened. I remember spending quality time with my family, (and this year that included watching a lot of Indian Jones!) I also wish I knew how many times I have seen the Christmas Story over the year...I'm thinking like 100! I love this time of year because we are all home together.

I also remember always wanting a sister, but who needs one when you have a brother like you.  (What are the chances we could get Kevin to stop growing mustaches during Christmas so he stops ruining our pictures! Haha just kidding Kevin...but really.)

 Yeah for matching power drills!

 My only question is why are we dressed and not still in pajamas!?

Another tradition that I want to mention that we have recently started is our sibling days. When I come home I love those days the most. Just Kevin, you, and I having fun and being chill! Whether it is bowling or the Pirates game they are always so fun. We have so many inside jokes that we can always refer to and let's be honest we are really comical people so all we do is laugh and have a good time. Sometimes I can be real awkward around people but with you guys, you already know that I am crazy and you still love me anyway!

I want you to know that the days we have spent as siblings are great, but with the rest of the family is equally as awesome. Whether that be with mom and dad or if we through in some awesome grandparents, cool cousins, and amazing aunts and uncles. There is a saying that we can choose our friends but we can't choose our family, and that is okay with me because I ended up with the best family. Whether it has been on family vacations or just little get togethers in Plum or Monroeville, they are always great and I can feel the love. 

I mean if you just look at the next 8 pictures and remember each of those days I am sure it will also bring back memories and hopefully make you laugh. Here are some things I remember...

 How much of a struggle it was to get you guys to take this picture!

 An amazing 3 day trip with the coolest aunt and unlce and grandparents at Cedar point!

 Look at that red face!

 Totally a hockey family!

 Coasting down the scenic route. Kevin and I taking the rocky path and having to walk around the island.  Biking after with Grandma and Pappap. Grandma's awesome ice cream obsession!

 The competition is intense in this family! Trying to get you guys to do a hole-in-one dance and me getting one on hole 18!

Looking real good, dancing the night away, and being able to see my family for a short weekend!

Uh, why did I pop my collar? Do we have squinty Asian eyes?

I don't have a picture of this next one but I wish I did! When people think of big brothers they think of them being super protective. Someone asked if my brothers were really protective of me and I had to think about it. As I lay in bed the other night I though of being in 7th grade and I bursted out laughing for a good 5 minutes. I am wondering if you know where this story is going....let me remind you. We were getting on the bus after school, I believe, and as I was sitting there this kid (Wesley) and he came up and tried to kiss me. Now I never really knew if it was because you didn't like him or you were being an awesome big brother but you took my Algebra book and smashed him over the head with it. Mona the bus driver pretend to not see and just chuckled under her smile. I also have to point out that when you handed me my book back, my hard cover book binding was broken!  I will admit that I was very proud of you that day.

Sometimes I think that people forget about me now that I currently live so far away, but I know you don't. I remember your first time out west and me being so proud to be able to show you guys my new temporary home. I remember Kevin saying he liked Salt Lake City because it smelled like bacon and all you wanted to see was a tumbleweed. I am still sad that did not happen but also a great excuse for you to come back. It was not a beautiful day as we entered Idaho, but the cold is kind of what we are known for! The whole time I was so excited you guys were even there, I knew that it was one of my favorite days ever. And come on we went to the Teton Dam Museum and saw a troll riding a horse! It is the small moments and much laughter that we share all the time that I love. And knowing that when we spend time together it was like we were never apart.

 When we were in Moab we had really great adventures! I think the lower picture basically describes the difference between me and my brothers. But yet as you get older you are breaking out of a shell and becoming more crazy like me, whether that is a good thing or bad I am not sure! But you went out on a limb and let me take the picture of you like you were on the titanic!

 HAHAHA I love this picture because I just remember us sitting in the car not wanting to touch each other because we were so sunburnt and radiating so much heat!

I just want to end by saying how grateful I am for a brother like you. The laughs, the jokes, the memories all stay with me as I thank God everyday for the family I have and those that love me. You support me, love me, share the laughter of stupid things, and are there for me when I need a big brother. I know that it my not be normal for some people to be so close with their siblings from the beginning, but I am glad I was. The time we could have spent fighting we instead spent playing at the Cairns house or playing floor hockey/baseball, watching movies/tv, or ice skating, or any of the sports we spent so much time playing in the backyard. And even though we both moved out of the house memories like that will continue as we get older and stay just as close as we are now.

I love you and always will big brother

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Love,

The best sister in the world!

This was not planned just shows how alike we are!

Life is like the search for a pair of pants

I don't know if I can do this but I am going to compare my life to a pair of pants....

At the beginning of the school year I noticed a teacher that wore a really great pair of gray dress pants and thought they looked great and super comfortable. I decided I wanted to find myself a pair that I could wear to school. That was in September, and until about a month ago I was looking everywhere for a pair of pants like those. I am not a huge shopper but when I would go out I never forgot to look, and never found any.

Well here is where to story gets good. As soon as I consciously thought about not looking for these pants anymore, not 2 weeks later I found the perfect pair. Not only were they the right size and length, because that never happens with my body, BUT they were only $4!

I realized that there are things in my life that I may be searching or trying too hard to find and I am not finding it. Maybe if I stop looking and allow the Lord to direct me, then I will find what I am ultimately looking for, and not just what I am looking for but the perfect one for me that fits perfectly in all the right places.

School update

Good days do happen but they seem to be few and far between. I come home everyday physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. These are just some thoughts and experiences that are kind of jumbled of things that have been happening lately....

To start the phantom pooper has been caught! No more turds have been found around my room in the last month as I know have them on a potty schedule. I happy day that my room no longer stinks!

We do yoga in my room twice a day to try and calm down an relax emotional children. Somedays it turns into a dance party with random songs like Banana Phone. And sometimes we focus so much on our breathing I feel like they concentrate so much, they forget to breathe and are going to pass out. 

I have 2 boys that think it is funny to run away by slipping out of the classroom or randomly leaving line in the hall. Luckily I the smarter one and they always go to the same places. I know to always look behind or in garbage cans and in the bathrooms.

Defiance is a word that I knew but never experienced. I now very clearly know children that feel entitled to whatever they want. Most likely parents are giving them everything so they don't have to put up with their children's attitude, but guess what I don't give in and then my kiddos hate me for it. I am not sure if teaching me to not want to be a parent or just make me know what I will pound into my children's heads so they dont act like these children.

Just this week, 2 of my more normal children I found sobbing. When asking them what was wrong they both replied that they were hungry and other kids were tormenting them by talking about food. That makes me heart hurt and luckily I keep lots of goldfish in my classroom and oranges.

Girl going to the bathroom during computer lab, and like always i tell her to hurry. She has been gone for a long time, so me being the teacher who loses children a lot, goes to find her.
As I round the corner to the bathroom she is coming out. As soon as she sees me she drops to her knees and starts sobbing because she knows that because I had to go looking she took to long. She kept apologizing an I told her I was not mad, just wanted to make sure she was okay. She continues to sob for about 10 minutes about the issue. All I could do was laugh.

This is how's kiddos play tag: whoever is it, the rest of the kids mob them so they can be it. Instead of 1 chasing 20, my class looks like 20 chasing 1. All I do is laugh.

I put on a song for them to dance to and it was banana phone, what do my kids do... Gagnam style around the room. All I do is laugh.

A social worker teaches social skills once a week. As the time was winding down, my kids get upset and 1 is in a corner under a desk and 2 are under the coat rack crying. All I do is laugh.

At any given time there are 6 ticking time bombs in my class that you never know what will set them off and make them freak out or cry or flip over chairs or start stabbing something. All I do is laugh.

My children love to tell me stories and have good advice...
*Don't ever go in an alligator swamp drunk!
*My dad is in control of nature so he kills llamas whenever he wants.
*There was a dragon under my bed last night.
*This one time I flew to the moon.
*I know George Washington
*What do you get if you mix a frog and a toad? A froad!

Dear Alex,

    Today as I got to church I realized that it was the 2nd anniversary of your death. As I sat and thought more about it, tears came to my eyes. I still vividly remember that day that Erica called me to tell me what she had heard. We still did not know the whole story or if it was true but we sat on the phone and cried. We used social media and tried to contact your friends in Carolina that might be able to help us figure something out. We waited hours and hours for a reply and not wanting it to us the truth...that you had committed suicide.

     That was the first time I had felt real pain in losing someone. Never before could I empathize with anyone, but now I felt more pain then I wanted to ever feel again. I did not want to believe it had happened and I was so far away from family and friends that knew you and grew up with you like I did. There was no one to comfort me. But as I lay on the ground sobbing I prayed to Heavenly Father for his help. And I know that night Heavenly Father was with me, as he put his loving arms around me to comfort me in a hug that lasted hours. It is 2 years later that I am realizing I need to let go and forgive you. I know how powerful Satan is and how easy it is to give in to him. That night you gave in and it just so happens that one choice ended your life. As I needed this weight lifted off of my shoulders as I forgive and forget the sin, it does not mean I forget you. It means I no longer need to dwell on your anniversary of March 3. Instead I remember your birthday on June 1 and how you liked to rub in that you were 2 weeks older than me. How you loved to drag me around by my ponytail because I could not feel it. I think about the time you broke your collar bone and I just laughed because we were on a merry go round. I remember that talks in the pavilion and walks up white lady hill. I think about swimming and you throwing me in the pool. The day you and Montana almost broke my neck at a concert. Or that you made the limo driver pull over on the side of the road to pee in the weeds. I think about you calling me your Mormon and giving me the biggest wedgie of my life!

     There are so many more fun times just like those ones. These are the moments I treasure and remember, not the sad day that ended it all. Sometimes I wonder today if we would still even be friends, or would you have moved on in life and college and forgotten me like most have back home? But I do not need to know the answer to that, because I have our memories. And even though you are not with us physically anymore I think you are with me even more spiritually. People may call me crazy but as I sat in church today thinking about you, I knew you were sitting next me learning about how great of worth we are. I know that when I needed it and I forgave you, you wrapped your arms around me just like Heavenly Father did the night you passed away, and you held me tight like he did.

    So I thank you for the good memories that I will always have and pray that you are one of my angels that surrounds me everyday watching over, and protecting me. At the same time I know you are laughing during one of my blonde moments, or as you watch the craziness of my first year teaching. I love knowing that you are there and always will be. Thank you for being my angel. I love you and miss you.

Quotes

Through Pinterest and Instagram and every other social media, I try to find quotes like these to get me inspired to be a better person and remember that I am in charge of my life and my happiness!

Girls night

Sometimes you just need to spend some quality time with a friend. 

We started the night's adventures at Walmart buying laundry detergent because I just soon realized that I had just been using fabric softener for the last month! Whoops. It was necessary to get the right stuff as soon as possible. We also loaded up on St. Patricks day Lucky Charms and Reese Puffs which are my favorite!

Then off to Subway for dinner and to celebrate $5 footlong February! We also won a great prize of free drinks and a cookie! 

Our goal was to make it bowling and since it was a Saturday night it was busy and we had to wait for a little while. What better way to wait than play arcade games!

Katie is really good at this game and stopping it on the jackpot, I have no idea how she does it! Pure talent!

Gigantic connect 4 game was amazing!

We finally got to bowl and went almost 4 games, my first was definitely my best and then they went to cosmic bowling and it threw off my game!

Afterwards we used all our tickets to get some awesome cheap prizes!

I love ring pops!

My mom is the coolest!

Do you want to know something really super cool?!

My mom was a zombie before being a zombie was so cool! These days zombies are the new thing, but in 1976(?) Dawn of the Dead was filmed in the Monroeville Mall and my mom was in it! I finally sat down and watched it while I was home and just being honest, it is kind of a bad movie. But I also wasn't alive in the 70's when this was super good.

You are a movie star!

mom in the red shirt, dead laying on top of the pile!

I think she is trying to find someone to eat!

I wanna go home!

I. Love. Home.

Well even though there are many days that more than anything else I just want to go home, I realize that I can't. That is one of the side effects of me living so far away. But the week of Valentine's day I received a text message from Erica telling me that Pappy Guy was not doing so good. She has been awesome at keeping me updated when he is not doing well because we never really knew when the end was coming for him. Well according to the family the time was finally coming to a close. Erica was keeping herself pulled together but it takes a lot for her to show emotions. With my upcoming 4 day weekend I was prompted with the idea of going home. And that never happens because it usually is not possible. But I wanted to follow through and so the first thing was to check for plane tickets, which I was assuming would be like $800, and for the most part they were. Except good old Southwest! I found the perfect times to leave and come back for only $350. After that I knew I was supposed to go so I booked my flight and called Erica.

I thought about surprising her again but I felt like I needed her to know that I was coming to be there for her. When I called her on the phone and told her I had something to tell/ask her, she jumped to the conclusion that I was getting married! (later that night talking to my mom she did the same thing!) Anyway I told her I was coming and she just started crying and said I love you Megan! That moment right there was why I knew this was right.

Valentine's day 2013 is going down in history as the best one ever. I did wake up around 4am from a text from Erica saying that Pappy Guy had officially passed that morning, and as sad and heartbreaking as that was I had some good conversations with Heavenly Father about taking care of my Pappy Guy for me now that he was with Him. But then I went to school where my children are crazy like always and to add on I handed out 6 dozen cupcakes to keep them on sugar highs all day and then passed out more candy with valentine cards.

I just had to capture her hands in food because she hates being sticky and gross and I just laughed!

(This is not me!)

Looking through old pictures to find ones of pappy. It makes you feel like part of the family when you find pictures of yourself in another families photos!

Sometimes we always like to eat or are hungry! So one night we decided to get a pizza from the Pie Shoppe and watch the Penguins game at home. We called in the order to pick it up as we were passing. We just decided that we were hungry we would get a large, not asking how many slices! Well we were in for a big surprise and when we saw it all we could do was laugh! To us it was hysterical and the lady working my have thought we were nuts but we just kept making jokes about how we did not expect it to be so big. I will say that it barely fit in the car and that brought on a whole new laughing fit!

Oh I had to get a Pie Shoppe gob and it was just like I remembered!!

Another night we went to Eat n Park and afterwards Jeff and I really wanted the smiley cookie so we bought the big ones! When you are little they give these to you for free, but not anymore since we are so big I guess! 

I was just as happy to be coming home so that I could see my parents. I felt like I hadn't  talked to them much since leaving for Christmas because of my mom training and being away for pretty much the month of January. I was lucky to got spend time with them before work and after work that weekend and did lots of talking. I sometimes wonder if I talk to much but then I realize no, I don't! I was filling them in on stories and adventures of my life. A couple times I even got them to laugh real hard! One night we lost power and my mom and I stayed up talking until my dad came home and then she went to bed and I stayed up talking to him until the power came back on. Sometimes the best time together is just sitting around and chatting about life and truly learning more about other people, especially family! I was even lucky enough to spend some time with Nick! He met me at the mall one day and we walked around talking and then I went to his house and watched some hockey and talked some more. I do really love my family and miss being around them all the time. But for now I am supposed to live super far away from them for whatever reason.


I did spend a lot of the weekend with the Beitel's at the funeral home. 3 viewings and a funeral service were enough for the whole town of Jeannette to come and pay their respects to this great man. Erica and I over the years have just been in agreeance that you bottle up our emotions and don't let anyone see you be weak. Well every once in a while the bottle gets too full and the top pops off. I am glad I got to be there for her when her top popped because not many people understand me like she does and I also don't think a lot of people understand her like I do. I guess that's why this friendship is so amazing and rare.

The amazing Pappy Albert Guy

 

During some down time as we were waiting. One is Jeff's and the other is mine, can you guess whose is whose!? hahahaha

It was an amazing service and then driving up to the graveyard and seeing the 2 firetrucks with ladders up and hanging an American flag, was so cool. I can't even begin to describe how much this man gave to people around him and loved them, because I don't even know. I only knew him in his late 80's until he was 96! That's a lot of years of doing good that I missed.

Sometimes you just need your best friend...I love you Geeka